I’ve posted this on my Instagram account when it was mothers day in SA;
Being a mother changed me and after 2 years I’m finally starting to be okay with that change… In all honesty I can say that I wanted to rebel against that change. I was convinced that I can proceed with life as always. I struggled to give parts of me that I wanted for MYSELF! Yes, I am many other things (not just a mom), and that is beautiful and important too, but it does not change the fact that motherhood will change huge parts of your life.
And why is it important to be okay with that change? Oh, it’s so important. I can now see how motherhood can teach us about Jesus. He was and is selfless and because of His death new life could actually be. Being a mom is one of the most selfless acts we will encounter on earth. This journey of being a mom day in and day out gives me a glimpse (only an idea) of this glorious selflessness… And I’m okay with this selflessness, as because of it, new life can flourish. .This new life embodies not just my child’s new life, but new life within me as well.
I think all moms differ, but I also think that many moms undergo this type of change and for some it’s harder than it is for others. I decided to share more about this topic as I don’t want you to feel alone at all. It is normal to feel a frustration towards this immense self-giving constant change. It can be extremely overwhelming at times and oh yes motherhood is exhausting. Someone needs to say these things out and loud.
I did (and still am) doing a few things that helps me with this constant change and self-giving task we call motherhood;
Rest well when you can; I was so over everyone telling me to rest or sleep when the baby rest and sleep. This advise does not work. I also need to do other stuff when he sleeps. Important stuff that helps me to not totally lose it mentally. So, no Karen I cannot sleep when he sleeps. Resting well does not mean to go for a nap. It’s more a thing of what resting means for you when you are awake, what energize you, motivates you and helps you to feel uplifted. When you do have that random hour to rest, rest well. It is one of the things that saves me as a mom, because when I have an hour or 2 to rest, I rest well. Resting well includes not packing the dishwasher when the toddler is asleep. Resting well means to pack the dishwasher when the busy toddler is playing around you. Resting well includes you to leave all the toys that is everywhere when it’s not the end of the world to not organize and pack it away. Resting well includes reading a book and savoring the quiet air even though your house is a mess. Resting well is to do something everyday that you too enjoy and get something out of. When the toddler is away or when he naps I am extremely aware of how I use the time, I might even be a bit selfish whit that time, but the 10% I use to be extremely connected to myself helps me so much to survive the other 90% of constant crazy.
Prioritize routine and routine priorities; Listen I know a lot of people struggle with routine and I was one of those people. I had my own time and did what I wanted and when I wanted. Again and hence the topic, being a mother will change this. To create a routine, any routine that works for you will save you. Routine is not something that comes naturally to me, but I cannot emphasize how good routine is for us. The days we don’t operate in our plan is an absolute mayhem with the feel that we’ve got nothing done. Create space for your priorities within this routine and stick to it. It will help mom, dad and the busy toddler. Even on holidays I stick to Aaron’s nap-times and routine, otherwise no-one will ever rest well…
When you are overwhelmed almost 100% of the time go and see someone; In South Africa we have this stigma that mental health belongs only to people that is weak. Now it is a real problem that we don’t think it is a problem. I’ve heard horror stories and I don’t want to focus on someone else’s story here, but you cannot help anyone or raise your children for that matter if you are not okay. I can and will elaborate about this topic more. Just remember there is no harm in going to see someone. I went to see someone, maybe a bit too late and she gave me 2-3 basic tools that really made a huge difference.
So there’s my 3 go-to tips to cope with all the change motherhood brings and below a sincere picture, not edited to keep it real.
