INTROSPECTION

We had a discussion group the other day where I brought up the wonderful topic; “Self-examination”. Most of the girls in the group were agitated and irritated in the beginning; “Kari, why on earth will you hammer us with a topic such as this, we are so tired and we need motivation not self-loathing.” I understood this initial response from the group of ladies as self-examination is and will seem exhausting most of the time. However, we unfortunately have this all wrong… and therefor I want to motivate and encourage you to change the way you think about self-examination. It seems draining and challenging especially if you postpone appointments with yourself. Every time you delay these valuable meetings it will get harder and harder, and then one day you will realize how many things have gone wrong and in and over your head. Important things such as dreams unattended, crucial choices left undecided, relationships non-existent and so forth. We need to realize how important self-examination is and how powerful it can be. It is not wearing and exhausting, but liberating and conquering. Thankfully I managed to explain, clarify and elaborate on these wonderful consequences self-examination can and will ensure during the ‘sincere girls’ group discussion. A few days after our ‘sincere girls’ evening the pastor at church coincidentally also chose to further this discussion. So, considering my self-given mission it is definite that I need to share more about these discussions and hopefully motivate and encourage you to go on this voyage with yourself. Everyone honestly owes at least this much to him- or herself.

I have been very quiet for a while, especially over the December holidays as I was going through a soul-searching time. Evidently I cannot at all share this with you if I have not gone through some serious alone time myself. I was going through many and much and still am. Therefore, I can sincerely vouch that a voyage with yourself and for yourself will safeguard wonderful consequences. I also asked friends and family to contribute to this piece so that it will be as authentic as possible. I asked them why self-examination and self-awareness is important to them and how they have benefited through such a journey with themselves. Together we came up with the following summary;

You can also use the below topics (self-examination consequences) as a guideline when you are on this journey with yourself. Every topic can be a ‘phase’ if you choose to deliberately go on this liberating voyage (I chose to do this in phases and not in days as some of these stops will obviously take longer than a day)…

The following can also be used for a study / discussion group.

Self-examination will;

First; confront the true structure of your being

“Self-examination is the process of accountability to your soul… It is far better to become your ‘truth’ than to speak your truth. Self-examination is the practice of becoming your truth.” Caroline Myss

One of the reasons most of us postpone meetings with ourselves is because it seems hard to go and sit and face the facts. Facing the fact means that either you need to live with the facts or you need to do something about it. I have a few friends who I’ve asked to at all cost keep me accountable and these relationships can be very real. These friends will in a very nice and uplifting way tell me if I was wrong, mistaken or out of line. I know I need this… These relationships helped me to go through many seasons as these are the friends that will tell you when you’ve done wrong, but will also tell you when you’ve done well. Because of this I truly believe in accountability and can’t steer my way without it. But what about self-accountability? Keeping yourself accountable and knowing the state of your current being in all areas of your life is obviously crucial. How can you steer your way to the next chapter in your life if you don’t even know where you’re currently at? This counts for huge life decisions as well. A few years ago I left a job in the interior industry as my husband and I kept our self-given promise that not one of us will work and sacrifice days in and out if we are not passionate about it. I knew that everything about that position would’ve killed my passion, dreams and day-to-day attitude. I had to be very honest with myself and had to confront the true structure of my being. I resigned and most people thought I was mad giving up an opportunity such as that. I forced myself not to worry too much about what they were saying. I needed to be honest with myself and I had to go and choose a position that would enable me to live out my dreams even if it meant more humility and less money. I would have never made that decision if I was not liberatingly honest with myself.

And herewith the main verse for this study / discussion; “for if anyone thinks he is something special when in fact he is nothing special except in his own eyes, he deceives himself. But each one must carefully scrutinize his own work examining his actions, attitudes, and behavior, and then he can have the personal satisfaction and inner joy of doing something commendable without comparing himself to another. For every person will have to bear with patience his own burden of faults and shortcomings for which he alone is responsible.” Galatians 6:3-5 Amplified

Please note that the Word of God is clear about the fact that self-examination is beyond beneficial; “personal satisfaction” and “inner joy” is wonderful consequences…

Ask yourself;

Consider all the areas of your life and then ask yourself; where am I currently at (emotionally, spiritually and physically)?
What have I done to find myself here?

Second; conquer a deceived heart

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” Carl Jung

Again Galatians 6:3,7 is applicable here. You can quote me on this one; “Extremely deceived people are not familiar with self-examination”… Think back about a time that you’ve found yourself in an uncomfortable conflict situation and you just wanted to scream and shout aloud. You just wanted everyone to know how wrong and betrayed your enemy or that persons’ thinking was. Remember that feeling and how frustrated you were with that person and how he or she was according to you beyond deceived and seriously blind. Now think again and really ask yourself if you were ever the deceived one?

A few years ago I met a guy who bluntly told everybody how he was making millions and millions of money and how he is one of the youngest rich guys in South Africa. It was a real life movie happening right in front of me and to this day I cannot believe that there are people on this planet that can take ‘lala-land’ so far. When he came into our friend circle he played the role without struggle, but later as you really watched this play you would’ve realized that this boy was only portraying what he believed to be the reality. Evidently what he believed was not necessarily the truth. We realized that not one of his stories lined up; he didn’t even own a business and the actuality behind this tale, for me was movie-standard. To this day there are people still believing his made-up story and then I can’t help but shaking my head in wonder. How is it possible that one can go on presenting so many lies and really don’t think that there is anything wrong with it? And that is what we call ‘being deceived’ my friends. Here is a real life story that reminded me that being deceived will not just harm your future, but can also hurt the people around you. So we have to ask ourselves over and over again; “Am I the deceived one… and is it possible in any way that my thinking or conclusion about this certain matter could be severely wrong?” The truth will surface and it will be liberating to rather face the truth yourself than to learn the truth when it is too late. Believing a lie is something that happens to all of us; so remind yourself during soul-searching times to ask this question and to reflect on these things you are so particular and dominant about. Chances are that you need to change the way you think and proceed with eyes wide awake instead of dreamy lazy eyes whilst living in ‘lala-land’.

“For if anyone thinks he is something special when in fact he is nothing special except in his own eyes, he deceives himself.” & “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. Whatever a man sows, he will reap in return.” Galatians 6:3 &7 Amplified

Ask yourself;

Were you extremely wrong about something in past and how did you face the truth?
Considering your current state, a current situation or challenge and ask yourself; is it at all possible that I might be wrong about this certain matter?
Where in my life do I need to change the way I think?

Third; remove weeds

“The examined life is no picnic.” Robert Fulguhm

A picnic on grass fields full of irritating and allergic weeds is not that enjoyable and one needs a detailed gardener that will help you with removing these weeds before you can enjoy the full pleasures the garden has to offer. If you have confronted the true structure of your being and if you have realized how you might’ve been extremely wrong about something it is a relief to know that you can do something about it. You can eliminate all the unnecessary, bad, depraved, deceived and wicked. After some serious introversion you will know what needs elimination, removal and exclusion from your life. For example purposes and not to be overly blunt but we all have that one friend that we really can do without. After some serious self-examination you will know when a relationship is unhealthy and whether it has a bad influence on your life. You need to eliminate these types of relationships and things that are imprisoning you and once again it will only be liberating. Genuine introversion will help with gardening and cleaning up your life.

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV

Ask yourself;

What in my life is enslaving and binding me?
What must I strictly eliminate from my life?
What immediate actions can I take to break down these strongholds?

Fourth; kill a judgmental and unforgiving heart

“Nothing will make us so charitable and tender to the faults of others, as, by self-examination, thoroughly to know your own.” Francois Fenelon

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5 NIV

The word of God is clear and simple here; don’t be critical to others if you can’t handle being critical to and with yourself. If you are honest with yourself and if you really faced the truth about yourself it is a guarantee that you will have endless grace with others. During sincere introversion you will be so occupied with bettering yourself that when you hear about others’ short-comings and their happenings you will tend to have more patience with their faults as you will honestly know that you too are struggling.

Additionally, an unforgiving heart is also a sign of someone who refuses to spend time with him- or herself. There is no way that you will spend effective time alone without trying to forgive another as you will know how dependent you yourself are on forgiveness and second chances. A true pondering heart will willingly try to forgive and will know that forgiving another human being is more freeing, liberating and necessary than one realized before spending time with yourself.

Who did I judge and should not judge as I am going through exactly the same of more or less the same struggle?
Am I forgiving towards others as I should be?
What offense am I carrying that I need to let go of?

Fifth; gather humility

“Humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self.” Charles Spurgeon

“They that know God will be humble; they that know themselves cannot be proud.” John Flavel

To be truly humble and meek is a beautiful thing. ‘A lack of vanity and a lack of pride’ is a brilliant definition of what humility really is. In Mere Christianity C.s Lewis radically stated; “according to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere flea bites in comparison: it was through pride that the devil became the devil: pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind… it is pride which has been the chief cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began.” I urge you to go through the article of Thomas A Tarrants (Pride and Humily) to realize how ruining pride and spiritual pride can be and how liberating and important true humility is. Thomas A Tarrants further summarized it appropriately; “humility is having a right view of ourselves in relation to God and others and acting accordingly.”

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment.” Romans 12:3

And… again Galatians 6:3 is applicable; “For if anyone thinks he is something special when in fact he is nothing special except in his own eyes, he deceives himself.”

Ask yourself;

Is there an area in my life that I tend to boast about?
What areas in my life do I need to surrender to God?

Sixth; lead you to a heart of repentance

“It is bad when you fail morally. It is worse when you don’t repent.” Luis Palau

Unrestrained repentance is a humble task and one of the most outstanding examples of true repentance is the humble heart of David, a man who God loved greatly. Many Bible studies and discussion groups will compare Saul and David, their transgressions and their reactions. Most of the time Saul’s wrongdoings seemed worse than the crimes of David. However, later in 2 Samuel 11 & 12 Saul’s transgressions no longer seemed to be so bad. Let’s be frank; David’s sins made Saul look a lot better. David was involved in adultery, stole Bathseba from her husband (Uriah) and ordered Joab to kill Uriah… There is, nevertheless, one thing that separates these two men from one another; David sincerely repented and Saul did not. This did not discharged David from the consequences he was ought to face after he sinned greatly however, David’s real repentance is the actual testimony of this tale. Reading Psalm 32 will indicate God’s work in David’s heart over a period of time;

“When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away Through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”; And You forgave the guilt of my sin.” Psalm 32:3-5

A prideful heart cannot acknowledge being wrong and cannot say sorry conveniently. Evidently crucial time alone will ensure honest apologies. As mentioned, one of the things that keep us from spending time alone is the fact that we need to now attend to our own faults and mistakes and really face it. Usually we neglect saying sorry as we believe that we are going to be stuck within the condemnation ‘trap’. We are so wrong about this and to really repent and to really face it will come from a place of conviction and not from a place of condemnation. God convicts and the enemy condemns… Remember that you are not repenting to the enemy who condemns, but you are repenting to a loving God who convicts.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

Ask yourself;

What sin and wrongdoing do I need to acknowledge?
What transgressions do I need to sincerely confess to the Lord?

Seventh; bring sustainable change

“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” Plutarch

Galatians 6:3-5 is not the only verse telling us to examine ourselves regularly. 2 Corinthians 13:5 also prompt us to examine our lives often and clearly we need to adjust some things after some honest examining. In Dare to be Devoted Charlotte Gambill used a relative example to explain the concept ‘change’ as she referred to a store’s ‘changing room’. In a changing room one are forced to face the mirror and then you need to make a decision of whether the new outfit will work or not. There are some spontaneous rules within the changing room. Firstly, you cannot go into a changing room without facing the truth about yourself. You will be surrounded with reflecting mirrors that will tell you your current state. Secondly, you can’t take in more than six or seven items into the changing room depending on the store rules; nevertheless it reveals that if you attempt to change too many things at once that you will tire and then end up with changing nothing. Remember this when you are going through a changing season; attempt to change one thing at a time so that the change will be sustainable. Constant self-awareness will help with this. Thirdly and most importantly; you cannot live and stay in the changing room and you need to make a choice and leave the changing room eventually. Hesitancy to change can cause permanent damage and that effective choice to do something about it or to adjust something will start at a place within.

We can also use dieting or any addiction as an example; people often start with a new lifestyle just to struggle with the same thing weeks after the intended changes were made. The change is almost never sustainable or maintainable. Scrutinizing examination and being brutally honest with yourself and to know how you are going to deal with the change is the only way change can and will be sustainable.

“Anyone who listens to the Word but that does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” James 1:23-24

Ask yourself;

What change are you avoiding?

Eighth; reap confidence, self-love and a strong identity

“At the end of the day, vigorous self-examination is the greatest form of maturity.” Martin Luther King Jnr

“If you know yourself, then you’ll not be harmed by what is said about you.” Sufyan al-Thawri

If you spend consistent time with yourself you will know yourself. You will know your strengths and your weaknesses. You will know where you’re currently at and where you are heading. You will know what you need to work on and what you’ve made peace with. Your dreams and goals will be clear to yourself and evidently your confidence and courage will grow constantly.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Ask yourself;

What is my strengths and what is my weaknesses?
Is there an area in my life where I have grown complacent?

Ninth; lead to wisdom and effective discernment

“Self-examination is the key to insight, which is the key to wisdom.” M Scott Peck

“If any of you lacks wisdom let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:5

This stop on the ‘self-examination voyage’ is like a bonus after a good year of hard work. If you truly know yourself and if you walk with God constantly your discernment skills will be strengthened and the Holy Spirit will guide your every step. To add onto the humor complication we said that true self-examination will lead to a humble heart and further also have a look at what Proverbs 11:2 says (the actuality behind this verse is crazy because it means that prideful people do stupid things…);

“Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

Ask yourself;

When in the past have I made a wrong choice that could’ve been avoided if I just spent more time with God and if I was just a bit more self-aware?

Tenth; most importantly; lead you to Him

”The commandments of God do not represent a ladder up which a man or woman climbs to acceptance with God, but the commandments of God are like a mirror in which a man or a woman looks and realizes the condition of his or her own life.” Alistair Begg

Considering everything we have mentioned it is obvious that effective self-examination cannot exclude God. He wants to walk every step of the way with you. Like a brilliant love story; rather struggle with Him, than without Him. This is the most freeing and liberating of all the consequences we have discussed and between knowing yourself and loving yourself you will walk a path with God that can and will lead to a fruitful life.

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8

Ask yourself;