Don’t get me wrong, your wedding day is special and very important, but marrying your person for life is way more important and your focus should be on that. I have been at so many weddings and those couples who have focused on being married instead of having a ‘wow’ wedding had a better and more joyful wedding anyhow. It was a celebration of true love and what can be better than that?
I got married in 2014 and was engaged to my husband to be at that time for 5 months only. I now look back at those 5 months and I am extremely thankful for the decisions we have made. As a writer in heart I always have a journal in my handbag or in my car. When we got engaged my two best friends decided to surprise me with a gift packet full of goodies. They know me very well and one of the goodies was a pink journal from Typo. I used this pink journal for everything while I was engaged and I have written down literally everything that seemed important in that season. Going through my ‘pink engagement journal’ 3 years after we got married was such an encouragement. It is a real nice thing to look back at things and to feel extremely thankful. I have decided to use the journal and to provide you guys with a unique set of inspiring tips that you can take into consideration when you are engaged.
Hopefully these tips will encourage you to be the important marriage planner instead of the less important and exhausting wedding planner;
# ENJOY BEING ENGAGED
Too many times you will see stressed out wedding planners instead of joyful excited brides to be. This is extremely saddening. You are a young bride and it is your time to shine; enjoy it! Your wedding was ought to be a joyous occasion and according to my record people ‘enjoy’ feasts. Don’t be the bride left with the ‘it all went by so fast’ thoughts after the wedding. If you stop for a moment and just relax you will make every second count. Make sure that you appreciate and treasure every bit of all of it.
Enjoy your husband to be and all the chats about dreams coming true. Enjoy all the congratulations and the joy of your loved ones. Enjoy your ring and that moment when you can’t stop to stare at the thing. Enjoy all the speeches and the crucial special moments. Enjoy your engagement party and if your bridesmaids did not think to plan one for you; plan one yourself. Celebrate with friends and then celebrate with your family separately just to celebrate again. Enjoy your kitchen-tea, bachelorette party and all the gifts. Make sure that your fiance gets the bachelor party he deserves and remind him to enjoy it.
Enjoy the planning part as well. I have called many venues and asked if they could assist me with a venue within 4 months’ time. Considering the fact that we wanted to get married in November which is summer here in South Africa meant that it was a risky and crazy request. Most venues just laughed at me… We decided keep on phoning until something beautiful opened up for us. Surprisingly one lady called me back and told me that they had a cancellation. The venue and the weekend we most wanted were available for us. It was superb news and now it was our time to have fun and that is just what we did; we laughed and we enjoyed that part of the story.
Enjoy some alone time as well. Make sure that you get the ‘me’ time you need. I went away with my sister a month before the wedding and it was such a precious week at the beach just with my sister and with the Lord. It gave me time to walk, ponder and pray. Rest, relax and enjoy. It is now your time to be the most stunning, blissful and beautiful bride. Enjoy the story that the two of you are busy with writing.
# “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – Nicolas Chamfort #
# UNITY IS CRUCIAL
There are so many things going on when you are engaged and it is crucial that you and your fiance are on the same page and focused on the right things.
To give you one example; we have decided spontaneously to dedicate every Friday evening during our engagement period to spend some time communicating and making decisions. Most of these conversations were ‘marriage’ decisions (not wedding decisions). These Friday evenings resulted in being extremely valuable. We made some decisions such as how we will handle conflict within the family. We also set some unwritten rules such as never going to sleep if the issue have not been dealt with or to never ever fight in front of other people. I have so many examples, but because of the unity we had, we handled and dealt with the problems that arose in brilliant and less exhausting ways.
There will be some aunt or person on your guest list who will request a plus five instead of a plus one and then you and hubby to be will have to say no with one voice and give them one answer together (to give a less important example).
Being engaged gives you time to practice these things so long. Your unity will be challenged and tested when you are engaged. It is a beautiful thing because you will realize what a good team you are and how ready you are to be husband and wife.
# “Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labour; For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Amplified #
# CHOOSE YOUR BRIDESMAIDS WISELY
Bridesmaids are not only there to be pretty with you on the wedding day; they are there for a much greater reason. I know you might think that this is not that important. But it is essential to spend your precious time (planning and pondering about your marriage) with the right people. Your support system is such a bonus and will make your engagement journey unforgettable.
I chose 5 bridesmaids for very specific reasons. This is a lesson I have learnt in life as well. It is important to surround yourself with people who will be uplifting and encouraging. Surround yourself with people who will grow with you and will have a positive and enduring influence in both of your lives.
Again, it is your time to shine and you don’t have to choose a bridesmaid because you have to. Choose that one friend that will bend over backwards for you, that one friend that knows you extremely well, that one friend that will pray for you, that one friend that will keep you accountable, that one friend that will support you no matter what and then that one friend that will always laugh with you.
# By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 #
# LEARN TO LOVE AND RESPECT NEW FAMILY MEMBERS
I understand that your mother-in-law to be might be a challenge to some degree. It is a thing that we see very often. It is however obvious that fiances need to adapt to the new family and their ways of doing during the engagement period. Dealing with conflict situations and adapting to how others do things can be a real challenge and then to proceed with a decision the two of you made without one family members’ blessing will ensure trial and error.
I am not advising you to totally change and compromise on crucial aspects at all. But if there is a family member who does not agree with your chosen church to give an example; love that person. Through love that family member will see what it is to really love.
I’ve seen the mother of the bride being more worried about her own dress than her daughter’s wedding dress. I’ve seen too many jealous sister in-law’s and jealous friends not very happy about not being a bridesmaid. I’ve seen family members refusing to attend the wedding or neglecting their ‘RSVP’ the day before the wedding. These things will not help you to love more; I know. But remember that your resentment and bitterness will result in you being a very tired bride and extremely exhausted wife. Your husband to be deserves better and you will have to focus on that.
It is also important to remember to love does not mean to compromise, especially not to compromise on the truth and on the necessities you and your fiance agreed upon. There will be times that you will have to firmly say ’NO’. This ’NO’ can be done in love and with respect.
One of my dear friends got married and the mother of the bride was extremely selfish through everything like you will not believe. The way my friend handled it was truly stunning. She smiled and focused on soon being a wife. She refused to be worn-down by her self-interested mother. She ignored the unnecessary and firmly said ’NO’ when the ’NO’ was needed.
Be practical about this as well. Include all the family members. Arrange family dinners and give family members tasks when it comes to the wedding. If they want to be involved; let them be involved. Honor the family and make sure that they know that they are loved and treasured.
# “Will you have the courage to live in the tension of both TRUTH & LOVE?” – Beth Moore #
# PONDER ABOUT THE TYPE OF WIFE THAT YOU WANT TO BE
Listen! Being a wife is not always that easy. You need to decide in advance what type of wife you are going to be. My suggestion will be to worry less about the dress and more about this. There will be times when you will sit throughout the night fighting and disagreeing. A fairy tale marriage does not exist. Don’t let anybody fool you.
Being married means to give everything of you, not just bits and pieces. And then it also means to give ‘your everything’ for the rest of your life. This is after all what you promise on your wedding day…You are not going to do fairy tale with him; you are going to do LIFE with him…
I am not saying you need to be perfect. But you need to reflect and ponder about the type of wife that would like to be and answer some of these thoughtful questions;
Will I be the comforter and superb supporter no matter the heavy trial? Will I be a fierce protector of my family? Will I be able to respect him even if I strongly disagree with him? Will I be able to dream with him and to support his every dream? How will my attitude be during tough seasons? What can I do to ensure a safe and lovely home environment? And; Will I be able to always put our marriage first?
Being a wife and being married is the one mirror that will confirm the truth at all times. Being a wife is part of your destined purpose. Are you ready?
# “Marriage is one relationship you cannot take a vacation from” – Ravi Zacharias #
# “Marriage is not as much about finding the right person as it is being the right person” – Lisa Bevere #
# PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING
This is one thing you cannot compromise on. I really enjoyed going through my pink journal three years after my engagement season. It was rewarding as I saw how I have written down every prayer and how God answered every single one of them. Every prayer was answered and this does not mean that we got a yes to every prayer. Getting a ‘yes’ and getting an ‘answer’ is two different things.
I love God’s sense of humor sometimes. We prayed about the guest list. Because of courtesy we had to invite some individuals and we did not really know if they were meant to celebrate our day with us and it happened spontaneously that they could not come. So don’t have family fights about unnecessary things and pray and trust that it will work out as it should.
Pray about the ‘big’ stuff like your fears and dreams. There is nothing you can’t pray about. Pray about the dress, about your guest list and pray for you wedding planner. Pray about all that is important to you in your specific season. God knows the desires of your heart and these desires are not there for any reason. Most importantly, pray for your husband to be…
# “Prayer is a relationship; half the job is mine. If I want transformation, but can’t even be bothered to articulate what, exactly, I’m aiming for, how will it ever occur? Half the benefit of prayer is in the asking itself, in the offering of a clearly posed and well-considered intention. If you don’t have this, all your pleas and desires are boneless, floppy, inert; they swirl at your feet in a cold fog and never lift.” – Elizabeth Gilbert #
# PRAY FOR YOUR FIANCE
There is nothing more a man needs than true encouragement, actual support, reassurance and inspiration. How can we do this if we don’t pray for our men? Throughout history it has been proven that heroes are men with exceptional wives. I believe exceptional wives always pray for their champions.
My dad told me once that he knows for a fact that he would not have been where he is today if it was not for my mom. This comes from a man that hardly passed matric and today he is well known as an unconventional professor. I also know my mom. She is not the type that leads in front or likes to run the show; she prefers to keep the praying going.
I am not really a morning person and my husband love mornings. Every morning he gets up before me and if I hear how he goes around the house I usually start my day praying for him.
Getting married is serious business. Start with praying for a good match and then pray for him while you are engaged and never ever stop to pray for your partner in life.
# “The lion invites the lioness to rest in the shadow of his protection, and she invites him to feast on the goodness and promise she brings. He protects her life, and she in turn gives him legacy.” – Lisa Bevere #
Thank you – Franklin Photography for our stunning engagement pictures.
